38 Unique Office Products Your Workplace Needs Right Now

Date Published: 08/26/2015 12:43 PM

Your office is a bleak and dispiriting place of work where your boss’s main goal is to extract the most work out of you, thus draining you of any sort of hopes, dreams, or self-respect. You sit in your cube of depression day-in and day-out churning out work while you think about the end of the day when you’ll bury your sorrows in a fifth of whiskey. To give you a glimmer of hope, a dash of aspiration, and a peek of pleasure and joy, these 38 unique office products will hopefully lighten your mood, relieve some stress, and bring a bit of, might I say fun?... into your work day.

1.) USB Powered Mini Desk Vacuum

USB Powered Mini Desk Vacuum

This mini desk vacuum lets you vacuum up your crumbs after feasting on your lunch over your desk like a rat. No longer will you need to easily swipe crumbs off your desk with your hand. Now you will need to plug your vacuum in, vacuum your crumbs up, empty the vacuum bin into the garbage, unplug your vacuum, and put your vacuum away. So much easier!

$13.49 Buy Now
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2.) Miniature Ballista Kit

Miniature Ballista Kit

Measuring just 6 inches tall, this miniature ballista kit allows you to launch balls at your enemies at the office. Especially those with coffee breath. Made from high-quality wood, the kit lets you put it together by yourself, that way it will feel so much more satisfying when you pelt your co-workers in the face with the artillery of the Roman Empire.

$20.67 Buy Now
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3.) Mini Refrigerated Vending Machine For Your Desk

Mini Refrigerated Vending Machine For Your Desk

This mini vending machine not only keeps your soda cold for you, but it’s so small you can easily set it on your desk for whenever you need an ice-cold pop. The mini fridge holds up to 10 12oz cans, has a window to help select your option, along with a button to select each type of soda.

$118.99 Buy Now
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4.) BalKonzept: A Balcony Desk and Flower Box

BalKonzept: A Balcony Desk and Flower Box

Sick of working in your depressing, mundane office all day? This desk allows you to work outside on your balcony (assuming your office has one). Simply drape the Balkonzept over the fence of your balcony, set a laptop, book, etc, on the desk and start working. Plus the top of it can be used to hold a plant.

$146.00 Buy Now
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5.) Blue Sky Panel Light Fixture Cover

Blue Sky Panel Light Fixture Cover

There’s nothing quite as depressing as fluorescent lighting. Your cubicle is surrounded by them! Why not dress them up to make your brain think you’re actually outside, enjoying life in the sunshine. These panels attach right to your fluorescent lighting on the ceiling of your office to make the depression zone you work in look a little more lively and bright by making it look like it’s a skylight looking up at a bright blue sky.

$35.95 Buy Now
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6.) I'm A Twat Coffee Mug

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Prank your coworkers or boss by handing them a coffee in this mug. The bottom reads “I’m a Twat” so that when they take a sip of the coffee, everyone can read it, except them. A perfect way to end your last day at the office.

$8.78 Buy Now
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7.) Have A Nice Day Middle Finger Mug

Have A Nice Day Middle Finger Mug

Similar to the I’m a Twat coffee mug posted above, but the other way around. Everyone can read your mug that says ‘Have a Nice Day’, but as soon as you take a sip, the bottom sends off a large middle finger in their general direction. Another perfect way to end your last day at the office.

$15.47 Buy Now
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8.) Scream Absorbing Vase

Scream Absorbing Vase

Everyone needs a good scream sometimes. This vase (obviously made in Japan) lets you scream inside of it, without any noise escaping. Your boss just yell at you? Give a good scream into the vase and no one will ever know how angry you were. Just continue to bottle up your rage until it boils over the edge, and you'll someday take it all out on your coworkers.

$58.99 Buy Now
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9.) Desktop Punching Bag

Desktop Punching Bag

This punching bag is perfect to set on your desk and relieve some stress. Plus you can cut out a picture of your boss and tape it to the bag. The desktop punching bag is secured to your desk with a suction cup, and has a heavy-duty spring that bounces back with each punch.

$18.31 Buy Now
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10.) Cheeseburger Hand Warming Mouse Pad

Cheeseburger Hand Warming Mouse Pad

There's something quite special about digging your hand into a nice warm cheeseburger. This cheeseburger mouse pad is not only just a covered mouse pad that will warm your hand. But it’s actually heated, as it plugs into your computer via a USB cord. So it’s pretty much like controlling your computer using an actual warm cheeseburger. Plus if you’re truly a cheeseburger lover, you’ve come to the right spot.

$5.63 Buy Now
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11.) Giant 5 Pound Stress Ball

Giant 5 Pound Stress Ball

Sometimes the little mini stress balls just done relieve enough of your stress. This giant stress ball weighs a total of 5 lbs, and is sure to relieve all of your stress and then some… The giant stress ball is made from thousands of tiny gel balls, and measures 6 inches in diameter.

$25.95 Buy Now
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12.) Pooping Dogs Calendar

Pooping Dogs Calendar

There’s something quite calming about watching dogs poop. This calendar is filled with various dogs pooping in various areas and positions, and will most certainly make you the office weirdo if you weren’t already. Say goodbye to the beautiful scenery calendar you got as some terrible Christmas gift. Put up the pooping pooches calendar at the office and show your true colors already.

$12.99 Buy Now
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13.) I Miss Drugs Coffee Mug

I Miss Drugs Coffee Mug

You had them in college, and then probably some time after that, and you miss them. You’re all grown up, have bills to worry about, mortgages, work, a nagging wife… Why can’t you just run out into the forest and take some drugs and make it all go away. This coffee mug labeled ‘I MISS DRUGS’, will surely let your coworkers know your current mood.

$11.00 Buy Now
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14.) Plug Mug: Stops Others From Using Your Coffee Mug

Plug Mug: Stops Others From Using Your Coffee Mug

This coffee mug has a plug on the side of it that allows you to take it with you when you’re done using the mug so that no one else in your office can use it. If someone were to use it without the plug, the coffee would just spill right out the bottom. A perfect coffee mug when you work in an office full of mug thieves.

$16.99 Buy Now
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15.) Tennino: A Self Assemble Cardboard Ping-Pong Table

Tennino: A Self Assemble Cardboard Ping-Pong Table

Your boss is too stingy to buy you a real ping-pong table, so why not build one out of cardboard. Amazingly priced under $70 for a fully working ping-pong table, the Tennino measures 5.3 feet long, and is shipped to you completely unassembled. So you’ll have to put it together when you get it.

$67.00 Buy Now
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16.) This Whiteboard Wall Clock Lets You Write Your Appointments On The Clock

This Whiteboard Wall Clock Lets You Write Your Appointments On The Clock

This clock is made from whiteboard material so that you can write on it, draw on it, or really do whatever you like with it. Perfect for writing your appointments right on the clock, the whiteboard wall clock measures 16 inches in diameter and comes with 1 black dry erase marker.

$170.00 Buy Now
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17.) Cosmo Martini Glass Tape Dispenser

Cosmo Martini Glass Tape Dispenser

This martini glass tape dispenser allows you to pretend you're drinking cosmos when in reality you're stuck in your cube of depression at work. A giant lime attached to the side of the glass holds the roll of tape, and will hopefully just remind you of where you’ll be the second you’re done with work.

$10.71 Buy Now
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18.) Deep Sea Sand Art

Deep Sea Sand Art

The deep sea sand art is an interactive art piece that you can place on your desk to watch sand slowly fall from the top of the piece to form unique shapes on the bottom of it. The sand slowly drips through a liquid to form unique shapes on the bottom that look like alien landscapes and pyramids.

$85.00 Buy Now
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19.) Office Chair That Lets You Lay Down Flat For Naps At The Office

Office Chair That Lets You Lay Down Flat For Naps At The Office

Perfect for naps at the office, this office chair lays completely flat. Simply pull out the foot rest, recline the chair all the way backwards until it’s perfect flat, and take a nice nap at work to forget about the dreadfully depressing work zone you’re forced to be in day-in and day-out. Perfect for a 20 minute power nap while the boss is in a meeting.

$240.30 Buy Now
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20.) This Big Red Button Attaches To Your Computer To Release Stress at Work

This Big Red Button Attaches To Your Computer To Release Stress at Work

This big red button (similar to the big red phone that the president has) is an important piece of technology that you can place next to your desk at the office to relieve some stress. The button can be programmed to do various things on your computer, including showing an explosion on your screen, uploading a picture of your boss and have him getting beaten up, quickly pull up a spreadsheet for when the boss walks by, have it pull up your favorite website, or just push it to lock up your computer to force you to take a break.

$10.95 Buy Now
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21.) Talented Motherfucker Nameplate

Talented Motherfucker Nameplate

You’ll know when you deserve a nameplate that says ‘Talented Motherfucker’ on your desk at work. You’ll know it when it’s handed to you by your boss, who just didn’t know what else to put on it because of the amount of talent that oozes from your body.

$26.00 Buy Now
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22.) Guitar Case Lunch Box

Guitar Case Lunch Box

This lunch box is made to look just like a mini guitar case, and is perfect for any guitar player, music lover, or really anyone who just wants to truly live the Rock and Roll lifestyle by bringing a packed lunch to work, where they’ll most likely feast on their lunch alone in their cubicle like a rat.

$19.99 Buy Now
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23.) Under-Desk Foot Hammock

Under-Desk Foot Hammock

This hammock attaches under your desk and allows your feet to relax and sway in the cool breeze of your cubicle while you work tirelessly and go to your happy place until the work day is over. Only to come back and do it all over again. None-the-less, at least your feet will be comfy while you work.

$16.89 Buy Now
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24.) Ostrich Pillow: Lets You Nap Anywhere

Ostrich Pillow: Lets You Nap Anywhere

Maybe not quite as subtle as the lay flat office chair, which you could probably tell your boss you were inspecting the ceiling’s structural integrity through your eyelids, the Ostrich Pillow is a weird looking pillow that allows you to easily nap anywhere. To use it, just jam it over your head, stick your hands inside the hand holes, and drift off into a sweet bliss until you hear your boss yelling at you.

$99.99 Buy Now
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25.) Einstein Crazy Hair Paperclip Holder

Einstein Crazy Hair Paperclip Holder

Certainly a unique way to hold your paperclips, the Einstein hair paperclip holder will make it look like your paperclips are Einstein’s crazy hair. The Einstein paperclip holder is a small statue that’s in the shape of his head depicting the famous picture of him sticking his tongue out.

$13.86 Buy Now
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26.) Otto the Otter Tape Dispenser

Otto the Otter Tape Dispenser

Perfect for those who just can’t get enough otters in their lives, the Otto the Otter tape dispenser is in the shape of an otter lying on his back while holding your tape. Similar to how otters actually sleep, just not actually holding a roll of tape.

$13.06 Buy Now
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27.) Jack Daniels Office Water Cooler

Jack Daniels Office Water Cooler

This office water cooler container depicts what you actually want to drink while at work, a giant tub of Jack Daniels whiskey. Why drink water that will prolong your ability to work, when you could just drain some whiskey from the water cooler and be passed out in an hour.

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28.) Pillow Tie: An Inflatable Necktie For Naps At Work

Pillow Tie: An Inflatable Necktie For Naps At Work

Another way to nap at work, this time a little less conspicuous. The pillow tie is a tie that is inflatable so that you can use it as a pillow. Normally it works just like any other tie, but when you’re boss leaves for lunch, and you’re ready for a nap, just put your lips on the the end of it and blow it up.

$19.95 Buy Now
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29.) USB Powered Humping Dog

USB Powered Humping Dog

No there’s not really a reason for the USB humping dog, as it doesn’t actually do anything other than hump, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting it. The USB humping dog will immediately start humping the second it’s plugged into your computer, once removed it stops humping. That’s it, and it’s amazing!

$14.78 Buy Now
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30.) USB Powered Mini Desktop Wind Turbine

USB Powered Mini Desktop Wind Turbine

This wind turbine attaches to your desktop computer or laptop and spins elegantly to help calm you down and help relieve stress while at work. A perfect way to sooth your mind as you look at it’s ever-rotating blades and drift softly into a hypnotic state inbetween the cracks of the whip that you boss is giving you. Although instead of generating power, it uses power, so there’s that...

$49.95 Buy Now
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31.) Grasshopper Stapler

Grasshopper Stapler

Why staple paper using some boring stapler that has probably been at your job longer than you have. This stapler is made to look like a grasshopper, and will certainly help liven up the work atmosphere with a little creativity and nature based elements while you mind numbingly continue to sift through piles and piles of TPS reports, randomly stapling things together for really no reason at all, other than because that’s what you do.

$18.00 Buy Now
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32.) Chair Arm Mouse Platform

Chair Arm Mouse Platform

This platform attaches to the armrest of your office chair and allows you to control your mouse without even reaching out onto your desk. You can now remain in your sloth like behavior of moving as little as possible while still being able to browse the internet and slack off at work. Stop reaching an extra 6 inches just to control your computer like some sort of savage, this chair arm mouse platform even comes with a padded armrest, and a little container to hold markers, pens, and your phone so you truly never have to move again.

$46.99 Buy Now
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33.) Clip On Table Cup Holder

Clip On Table Cup Holder

Your desk is filled with important things like papers, pens, and candy wrappers. OK, in reality you're just an office hoarder, a slob, and have no room to set your 40 oz Diet Mountain Dew down anywhere. You went with the diet because you’re obviously on a diet… This clip attaches to the side of your desk and makes a cup holder for when you just have no more room on top of your desk, or when the garbage that consumes your desk is overflowing.

$28.99 Buy Now
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34.) This Banana Holder Keeps Your Banana From Bruising While In Transit

This Banana Holder Keeps Your Banana From Bruising While In Transit

This banana holder is a plastic container that expands to meet the specific size requirements for your personal banana, and will keep it fresh along with keeping it safe from dangers like bruising, scrapes, and cuts while in transit to work. The ‘Banana Bunker’ is made from two separate pieces of plastic that connect near the center to protect your banana from the dangers out there in the wild.

$11.00 Buy Now
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35.) Sandwich Bags With Bugs To Deter Office Lunch Thieves

Sandwich Bags With Bugs To Deter Office Lunch Thieves

This sandwich bag comes with fake bugs on them to make it look like your sandwich is littered with cockroaches and gross bugs so that sandwich thieves at your office will move on to the next sandwich. Perfect for use at an office full of lunch thieves, this sandwich bag with bugs will hopefully send any potential sandwich thieves onto Nancy’s leftover casserole.

$6.98 Buy Now
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36.) Human Organ Lunchbox

Human Organ Lunchbox

This lunch box makes it look like you’re carrying around human organs, when in reality it’s just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that your mother made for you. Yes, you’re 34 years old and you still live with your mother. There is something wrong with that, and you should feel bad about it. The human organ lunchbox is perfect for any EMT specialist, doctor, nurse, or just anyone who loves feasting on human organs.

$12.99 Buy Now
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37.) Anti-Theft Moldy Lunch Bags

Anti-Theft Moldy Lunch Bags

These sandwich bags make it look like your sandwich is filled with mold like it’s been sitting in the office fridge for months-on-end. Which might be true, but at least it stopped would-be sandwich thieves from eating your sandwich when it was actually fresh. Now it will just continue to sit in the office fridge with actual mold on it, in a bag that makes it look like it has mold on it.

$5.97 Buy Now
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38.) Military Grade Battle Mug

Military Grade Battle Mug

There truly is no coffee mug more bad-ass than the Battle Mug. Chiseled from a solid block of 6061 T6 billet aluminum, the Military Grade Battle Mug is manufactured in a facility that produces special equipment for NASA. The Battle Mug has a rail interface that allows you to attach a plethora of different devices to it, including a laser, a flashlight, holographic sights, and even a bayonet for when the office gets real dangerous.

$223.99 Buy Now
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